Getting what you want generally tends to involve, at some point along the line, presenting ideas vividly, colourfully, succinctly and enticingly enough in tone, to convince or persuade others to give it you. Whether it’s a new job you’re after, to sell some product or service, or even to instigate a sexual liaison – pretty much everything in the world comes to you through other peoples’ consent – food from the farmer-supermarket connection, money from the bank, love from a partner, status from society at large – heaven may send it but it’s people that bring it. Assuming the appropriate tone as read, at a sub-textual level there are two strategies used to present for consent: implied use of force should they fail to give you what you want – this can mean emotional force such as the threat to withdraw favours if you don’t get what you want - or implied bestowal of benefits if you do get what you want. Force can be subtle. The way you position and angle your body and trolley when say waiting in a check-in queue at the airport to block, prevent or deter someone behind you edging in front implies the threat of force albeit discreetly or unconsciously. Likewise, the promise of benefits can be subtle too. You don’t have to say, “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine,” whenever you ask someone to do something for you – the suggestion of reciprocity is implied and signalled through nuances of vocal and facial expression and through body language. Both carrot and stick modes of presentation have their appropriate place and, in practice, generally come in a bundle. The key to success lies in a workable balance of the two so that while engendering an atmosphere of mutual bonhomie and warmth in which to signal potential benefits, you aren’t simultaneously signalling push me over, I’m a sucker. Though of course difficult to quantify scientifically, for what it’s worth, talking as a seasoned student of martial arts who can therefore afford to show an open heart, I’ve always found the optimum mix, as a potentially variable constant in most situations I encounter as I go about my daily business, to be around 98% implied carrot energy underscored by 2% stick. I don’t contrive this, it happens of itself and it’s not a recommendation, though I would recommend everyone take up a martial art and for that very reason - the more confident you are in your ability to stand your ground, the kinder you can afford to be naturally. But I digress. The words you speak, while crucial for imparting meaning and detail, are less important than the energetic space you create for the other to hear you in, for it is this, that transmits your intention and underlying carrot-stick stance. Communication is an art. Just as with admiring a fine painting, it is easier to assimilate verbal content in a comfortable, sympathetic environment. When painting a verbal picture for someone, whether aware of it or not, you’re spinning a field of energy around the two of you to create such a space. It starts in the mind, with your intention and is expressed through your vocal tone, facial expression and body language through subtle signals of inclusion rather than exclusion. Then, of course, once you’ve painted your picture as eloquently as you’re able, you must momentarily step back – get yourself energetically out of their face in other words - and graciously allow them to be comfortable in the created space while considering the import of your words and the potentially beneficial impact that would have on them and hence, assess how much help or cooperation they’re willing to lend. A (literally) handy tip for helping you instigate and maintain the optimum energetic space between you as you chat, is to open both hands and with arms relaxed, almost imperceptibly, hold your palms, both palms facing the person you’re addressing, in the ‘Buddha gives a blessing’ position, fingers of the left hand pointing discretely down, fingers of the right hand pointing discretelyup. This facilitates an energy circuit between the two of you, in which love is projected in a fine stream through the centre of your right palm along a wide enough arc to encompass whomever you’re addressing, wrap itself around their back and return through your left palm to go round again and again. Subtly powerful stuff but used wisely, compassionately and respectfully, the results can be pleasantly astonishing.
